How to keep a Relationship Alive
Gaby Balsells |
March 22, 2022 |

The 3 Types of Quality Time You Need!

When life gets busy, the first feeling that comes up for me is frustration in my relationship. While I love being part of a conscious power couple, it’s likely we are always juggling several balls in the air in terms of projects, trips and future plans. I can notice the thoughts that come up are: “it’s never a good time to have this important conversation”, and “if only we had more time together”. So a few months ago, I sat my hubby down and practiced loving, crystal clear communication and shared what I was feeling. Together we zoned in on these 3 Time Blocks that have massively upgraded our bond. 

They are profound, but simple, and I want to share them with you so you can inject a little more love into your relationship!

#1- Time for Communication

Discuss beforehand, when would be a good time to check in with one another and carve out one hour a week that you can use to have any big conversations when necessary. This means that you’ll still bring up things as they come and practice your clear communication all week, however you will have one time slot where you will be able to sit down and have deep conversations when necessary. 

So this might be when after an argument, you still don’t feel heard & understood. Or you are procrastinating a hard conversation. Or even when you have big trips or projects coming up and you are finding it necessary to check in with one another and make a few important decisions. This time is meant to unpack the good, the bad and all things left unsaid.

It helps so much to schedule this time block so that you don’t miss it! For us, it’s early Friday afternoon, around 3:00 pm. It’s early enough to cool down after in case things get hard, and still be able to enjoy our weekend. I have a friend who decided Thursday evenings would be for check ins, so they could “get it over with” before Friday and their weekend of quality time together. 

During busy or hard seasons, I like to do check- ins every week. Some seasons on vacation or when things feel light, we have even done it every 2 or 3 weeks. However, it makes me feel safe and supported to know there is a scheduled time in our joint calendar where we can double down if anything is lingering or left unsaid. 

#2 – Time for Intimacy and Love Making

Real talk: spontaneous sex is amazing. However when life gets lifey, it’s really easy to miss each other’s available openings to feel spicy and have a love making session that feels relaxing like you have all the time in the world. 

So hubby and I got creative. We thrive in a schedule- it’s how we guarantee to be intentional in so many areas of our life. As high achievers, we thought, why not make it work for us in the bedroom too?!

So I am all for spontaneous love making AND scheduling the time slot has been a game changer for my love life. If you want to give it go, here’s what to do:

Step 1: Work out how many times you both want to make love per week. Let’s say you decide scheduling 2 times a week feels right for both. 

Step 2: Figure out WHEN this is going to happen. For example, I love to have morning sex. However I do need time to have my coffee and get in the mood of things, so I need a bigger space of time after I wake up. Maybe you are a night owl, but if it’s too late then your partner might be low energy by the time you get in bed. Maybe you both have different schedules and lunchtime fun/ early afternoon break will re-energize you for the rest of your day! When is best for both of you?

Step 3: Work out which specific 2 days and times will work in your weekly schedule. Give yourselves enough time to connect without feeling rushed, while also being honest with your availability. 

Step 4: You need to schedule those 2 times of lovemaking in your joint calendar- you can call it something fun like “Sexy Time or Lovers Date” or be as cheeky as you’d like!

Step 5: Try it out for a few weeks. You might notice you’ll need to update the times that work best, or give yourselves more or less time depending on how it goes! 

If anytime you need to reschedule, don’t just cancel. Be sure to move to another date and time and follow through. Watch how this turns into connection feeling reliable and trustworthy, and feel your intimacy grow deeper and deeper!

#3 – Time for Fun Together

Friendship is one of the biggest predictors of a relationship thriving and being long lasting. Yes relationships take work and also, I believe they should feel fun and exciting! You need space + time to have fun together and let things be light and playful. 

This is the one time slot to get even more creative! Fun times together can be anything from day dates, to cooking or taking a class together, to a weekend getaway or a trip to go sightseeing + adventuring!

Some ideas that we’ve come up with are: taking salsa dancing classes, biking to a park close by and having a picnic, going to the beach in the summer, making cocktails at home, sitting in our couch with a bottle of wine and talking for hours, making jokes and hanging out with other friends and couples. 

Ideally, you have at least 1 hour a week for each. So you know you are dedicating 3 hours a week to having quality time together! Which is amazing, and you are actively protecting and nurturing your partnership. 

The Quality Time Equation

And this equation is designed to have the heavy energy balanced out with fun + lighter times. So you will really be able to tell when one area is off balance. So for example, you are feeling resentment over not feeling heard or understood. Most likely, you are needing time to communicate your feelings + needs. If however, you are having difficult conversations and things start to feel heavy, you are probably needing some friendship time together to be playful and release stress! 

Now it’s your turn to try this out. Be intentional with your time together and just watch your relationship transform!

About me

I guide power couples to build happy, thriving and long lasting relationships. 

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About me

I guide power couples to build happy, thriving and long lasting relationships.

Most Popular